The story of my weird life
by That kid with an idea
Summary: Christopher bisson is just an ordanary kid. But one day he goes on an adventure. It is promptly cut short when Chris gets lost. Or is he? And why does Chris have a nagging suspicion that this is intentional?
1. Proluge

My name is chris bisson. And my life is a living hell. Everything and everyone is annoying me. Take last year, in sixth grade when people just annoyed me for the hell of it. Well, its summer break and I'm going on a trip for the summer. A road trip. My parents died in a crash a couple years back, so Im living alone. I packed up my clunky laptop and my old iPad, my plushes, and my parents money from their will, and hopped on my bike to take a ride South to the highway so I could hop on the back of a truck and hitch a ride. I live in Brunswick Maine, so that entailed biking down to the Kennebunk service plaza.

It was going to be a long ride, so I started out about 8:00 PM so I could hop on a truck unnoticed. It took me a few hours to get there, because I had to take the back roads because bikes aren't allowed on the highway. I finally made it down to the service plaza about 12:00 AM. I got a pizza from Sabarros and ate it in the food court. Then I found a pickup truck with florida plates. They read 3418-TZ. I then hopped on the bed and laid down. I didn't mean to, but I promptly fell asleep. I didn't hear it, but the engine roared to life.


	2. Chapter 1: Rolling on the highway

I woke up in the back of the truck, which was going down a highway. It was still nighttime, but the truck's headlights illuminated snow. I was puzzled, because it was summer in Maine. Snow was coming down also. And this was when the temperature was about sixty degrees! Yes, it was snowing at 60 degrees. And the driver didn't seem to care. The radio was blaring though. Something about Last Friday Night.

I decided to boot up my iPad and play some Candy Crush. But then the driver turned the radio off and turned on a Cb radio. There was some chatter about a KDS Crusher needing repairs, whatever that is. Anyway, the driver changed it to another channel and started talking.

Driver: Do you read me Hop?

"Hop": Yes

Driver: Heading down the Iced land turnpike

Driver: You want to meet me at White Ice?

"Hop" Sure

Driver: I"ll be there at 8:00 AM

"Hop" Okay, see you later

Driver: Bye

Something about White Ice. What does that remind me of? Oh yeah, that castle in the Mario universe in Iced land. Iced land! It was mentioned. Could I really be in Iced land? I cant be, its fiction it thought. Maybe its just an elaborate role play. But still, its just to real to be fictional.

That reminded me that I wanted to play Kazio Mario World. I kept dying, but I finished a couple levels while rolling down the highway. The third one was too hard for me, but I kept playing it just to keep alert. I also looked around a lot. There weren't to many cars on the road, but there were plenty of roads and exits. And there were lots of houses to. It was one big suburbia. What I didn't see, though is shops. Guess everyone had enough food, as if by magic. I then booted up my iPad to play Candy Crush. I then realized that I had wifi. I wanted to see where it was coming from so I clicked on Settings-General-Wifi to see that it said I was using Iced Land wifi. Iced Land again, I thought as I saw a sign that said that White Ice City was only 50 miles away. That was good, because I needed a bathroom break. I then saw that the night sky was getting brighter.


	3. Chapter 2: Sunrise on White Ice Castle

The sun was rising, and I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I was playing Candy Crush, when a particularly large bump made me look up. I was still snowing, and it was getting even WARMER! I didn't exactly like hot days. And I did like Candy Crush. I was just about to go back to my iPad when I saw a sign for some White Ice Castle.

White Ice Castle! Another link to Mario. And some daylight, the people driving cars could almost seem like Koopas. This was much like the Mario series. Then again, it cant be real. Video games aren't. But then again… My thought process was interrupted when the truck got off the highway. It then turned north.

I then saw a castle made entirely out ice! And this truck was heading directly for it. I figured the truck would stop at the castle, so I packed up my bag and prepared to get out. And I needed to find a bathroom. The truck stopped at the entrance to the castle. I hopped off, then walked inside, hoping that I could figure out where I am, and find a bathroom. Well, the moment I walked inside, someone yelled "A Human!" Shit, I screamed. And before I knew it, I was captured.

That was when I realized what had happened. And my captors. They were Koopas. I should have realized, with all the Mario stuff. Anyway, you can guess where I ended up. My possessions were taken away, and then I was thrown in the fucking dungeon. My court date was tomorrow, and the guards told me that I wasn't going to do well in court. Knowing most Mario fanfics on the internet, that meant death. I needed a way out of jail.

The guards brought me bread and water. How cliché. Then the played Minecraft on the computer. Now was my chance. Since my cell floor was made of dirt, I dug below the bars with relative ease. Now for the hard part. I decided to just run past them so I could hopefully surprise them. Well I did, and they ran after me. I ran hard, but they finally caught me before I could escape. My punishment was that my court date was today. Just my luck.

I used the bathroom, ate my bread, drank my water, and just generally prepared for court. The guards also told be that the king was presiding. Another bad thing. My life is still a living hell.


	4. Chapter 3: My day in court

The time for my trial came up, but the guards told be that the king of Giant land would be presiding over court because Iced Lands king was at a meeting. Well, they took me into the courtroom…and guess who was presiding. Iggy Koopa. The following is the court transcript.

Court Transcript 6/20/2015:

Iggy: I call this court to order. Prosecution, please state your case.

Prosecutor: This human has intruded into Iced land. And he tried to break out of jail. He should be punished.

Iggy: Okay, Defense?

Me: I just ended up in Iced Land by accident. And I was just afraid of being killed.

Iggy: How did you get into Iced Land?

Me: I hitched a ride I thought was going to florida with the plates 3418-TZ.

Iggy: That's my brothers truck!

Me: I didn't know it.

Iggy: Good point. And why are you afraid of being killed?

Me: Because of a lot of fan fiction on the internet shows that you guys are ruthless killers.

Iggy: Okay, Prosecution rebuttal?

Prosecution: He used your brothers truck! He should be punished.

Iggy: That isn't a rebuttal, so my verdict is…

?: Wait!

Me: How cliché.

The voice turns out to be Lemmy Koopa.

Lemmy: He's innocent. I let him hitch a ride, and I've read enough fan fiction on the internet to know that he was justified in believing that.

Iggy: Okay. Well, if Lemmy says so, He's innocent.

Iggy slams down gavel.

End Transmission-er Transcript!

Anyway, I was free. After I got my stuff back, Lemmy wanted to take me to Dark Land to meet his father. I accepted. We got in his pickup and roared down the highway.


	5. Chapter 4: A talk with Lemmy

After we got in the pickup, Lemmy set his GPS to Bowser's Castle. He then started talking to me. He said that he knew about the accident that killed my parents.

FLASHBACK:

My parents are driving down a highway when a red car came out of nowhere and smashes my parents car to bits.

END FLASHBACK

Lemmy said that the driver of the red car was Mario. I believed him, because the car was red, and there was already enough weird things going on that were true. Lemmy then said that he didn't want to involve me in this, but when he saw me sleeping in the bed of his truck, he decided to take pity on me and take me to Dark Land as well as tell me the real story about the accident. He wanted me to help him and his family defeat Mario once and for all. I said yes to his request because I never really liked Mario. And not to many other people on the internet did. Most Super Mario Bros fanfics are just about the Koopalings.

Back in the day, I even was posting a lot on Lemmy's Land, this old fan fiction archive. Its defunct now, but back then it was the hub for all the Mario fics on the Net. I sat there explaining all this to Lemmy, who said that he ran it. I asked why he stopped posting, and he said because he was the king now. I was glad that he wasn't dead, which everyone else was believing.

We then came upon a bridge to the mainland, Lemmy said. He then stated that it lead to Pipe Land, after which the highway goes through a tunnel to Dark Land. We stopped at a diner near the entrance to Pipe Land. Pipesweag Roadhouse, the sign outside read. We ordered Koopa-Colas and fries, and then we continued on our way.

A short time later, my phone rang. It was my principal, John Dinar'i. He said someone came to the summer program that looked like me but was a total jackass. He then asked me if I knew anything about it. I said no, and then he said goodbye and hung up. I told that to Lemmy, and he was just as mystified as I was.


	6. Chapter 5: Battaling Mario

After a few hours, we finally made to Bowsers Castle. The castle looked awe inspiring even from a mile away. The castle looked like a cross between your typical medieval castle and Bowsers Castle from Super Mario Bros 3. There were tanks everywhere. And the occasional doomship was anchored. Me and Lemmy went inside the entrance, past servants and to the big green double doors that heralded a Bowser fight in games past…

But Bowser wasn't there. Instead there was one Super Mario. And he was pissed off. Mario immediately jumped up and went into battle.

Me: 3hp

Lemmy: 3hp

Vs.

Mario: 3hp

Mario jumps on Lemmy

Lemmy loses 1hp

Lemmy bounces ball at Mario

It misses

Chris charges Mario

Its super effective! Mario loses 2hp

Me: 3hp

Lemmy: 2hp

Vs.

Mario: 1hp

Mario tackles Chris

Chris loses 1hp

Lemmy fires spell at Mario

Mario loses 1hp

Lemmy and Chris win!

Mario said that we will win again. Another cliché. Me and Lemmy then healed up and looked for Bowser. We didn't find him, but when we returned we found this note:

_From Mario, To Lemmy and company: please contact me at 207-(bleeped out for personal reasons) if you want to ever see Bowser alive again! _

We decided that we would call Mario, but first take a dinner break.


	7. Chapter 6: A battle and a plan

We called the number, and got an automated reply.

If you ever want to see Bowser again, show yourselves immediately!

We were wondering about what that meant when Mario dropped from a platform suspended from the ceiling. And to make matters worse, Luigi did so to. Then Mario started talking. "You have-a been pestering us for 30-a years! So were a-gonna kick your ass-a!" But before we could start battling, Larry Koopa ran in. And he was about ready to kill someone. But Mario and Luigi ate some super mushrooms and doubled in size.

Mario and Luigi opened the fight by jumping on me, but I counterattacked with a punch to the face for Mario. Larry used this opportunity to sneak up on Luigi and fire a spell, ditto for Lemmy and Mario. Then I heard the sound of fire, for Larry was breathing it. This pushed Luigi into the lava, but Mario remained. Lemmy and Larry then did the Koopa Shell blowback into Mario, causing him to almost fall into the Lava. Mario then threw fireballs at me, and I would have died had Lemmy not fired a spell to diffuse them. One more wallop from Larry and the fight was all over.

Larry, Lemmy and Chris Win!

Larry joined your party!

Larry said that he heard about me through CB radio and came to check it out, but saw Mario instead. He also devised a plan to defeat Mario and rescue Bowser with Lemmy and me. Here it is:

1\. Get Ludwig to help

2\. Load up doomships

3\. Attack Mushroom Kingdom from both sides

4\. Kidnap princess

5\. Use her as bait to capture and defeat Mario

6\. Rescue Bowser

We called Ludwig on the phone and he agreed to help and command a doomship for use in the operation. Then we loaded up doomships and headed off to the Mushroom Kingdom.

Ludwig joined your party!

**Authors notes: The turn based battle system will be used for more story related sequences, while the battle write-ups will be reserved for action scenes.**


End file.
